How to stop chasing and start attracting?!

Its essential to understand how unresolved trauma can create patterns of chasing—seeking external validation, success, or security to soothe inner wounds. Trauma, especially from childhood, can make us feel unworthy or unsafe, leading to a constant search for external solutions. Here’s how trauma influences chasing and how to shift into attracting:

• Emotional Insecurity: Trauma, can leave you feeling unworthy or afraid of abandonment. This emotional wound often makes you chase external sources of validation, believing you need to prove your worth.

Eg.Chasing relationships where you feel you must always “earn” love or approval, becoming overly accommodating, or clinging to people who are emotionally unavailable.

• Financial Anxiety: Trauma, especially from an unstable or unsafe upbringing, can cause an obsessive pursuit of financial security, where no amount of money feels “enough.” This often stems from a fear of scarcity.

Eg.Chasing money or success by overworking or constantly seeking validation through achievements, thinking this will create safety or a sense of worthiness.

• Perfectionism: If trauma left you feeling “not enough,” you might chase perfection as a way to avoid criticism or rejection. You believe that being flawless will protect you from further harm.

Eg. Chasing perfection in work, appearance, or relationships, trying to control every outcome to avoid failure or disapproval, while constantly feeling inadequate.

2. Heal the Root Cause

Trauma creates a “chasing” cycle because it leaves unhealed wounds that we attempt to fix through external means. True healing begins by addressing the internal pain and recognizing that external success, love, or validation won’t heal those wounds.

Action Step: Start with therapies like somatic therapy, EMDR, or inner child work to heal the core trauma. As you heal, the need to chase diminishes because you’ll start to feel secure within yourself.

3. Shift to an Abundance Mindset

Trauma keeps us locked in a scarcity mindset—the fear that there’s never enough love, success, or resources. To attract, you must rewire this scarcity thinking and embrace abundance, knowing that you are inherently worthy of good things without needing to chase them.

Action Step: Practice daily affirmations or journaling that challenge scarcity beliefs like “I am enough” or “I attract love and opportunities effortlessly.” Shift from a mindset of fear (chasing) to trust (attracting).

4. Develop Emotional Safety

Trauma can make you feel emotionally unsafe, leading to chasing people or achievements to compensate for that lack of internal security. Attracting comes from a place of internal safety—knowing you can meet your emotional needs without chasing them externally.

Action Step: Create rituals that build emotional safety within yourself. This could be daily grounding practices, boundary-setting, or engaging in activities that nurture self-care and self-connection.

By healing the underlying trauma and shifting your mindset from scarcity to abundance, you’ll naturally begin to attract rather than chase. You’ll realize that you don’t need to prove your worth to anyone or anything—the right opportunities and people will be drawn to your self-worth and inner security.

Thinking about working together to support yourself on this journey of life, mental health, process trauma and develop safety within your body? Book in for a connection call (use code: FREECONNECT to make it complimentary) x